Editorial warning: these tips for putting on your face are just a little bit of mom humor. Just in case you think we’re being serious. Every once in awhile, we like to be funny!

putting on your face

If you are anything like me, you may frequently find yourself running late. There are often tough choices to make in the morning in order to get back on track once that snooze button cycle has begun. Does putting on your face in the morning just fall off the list?

You may be sleepily wondering:

“Do I teach the kids how to jump out of a moving vehicle? (it’s all about the roll) or skip mascara? Do I eat toothpaste for breakfast or do I put pants on?”

Sometimes, with all these choices our appearance unfortunately suffers.

Funny tips for #moms. Get that face on! #momlife Click To Tweet

I am determined to not let this happen any more! I have outlined below the top tricks that time management haters don’t want you to know when it comes to getting ready with a quickness.  You can have that extra 5 minutes of sleep and still get to work before first break.

Top 4 Tips for Putting on Your Face in the Morning (According to Mandy!)

  1. Eyes – Open eyes wide- bam you look like you have bigger eyes. Bonus tip: remove the crusties from your eyes- removing eye debris makes your eyeballs appear up to 33% larger (made up percentage)
  2. Lips – After applying lip gloss, grab a powdered donut – note that extra powdered sugar will cling to the gloss and give dimension. Lighter color in center makes your lips look 21% big enough for your face. Bonus: your stomach won’t growl at the meeting you are running late for.
  3. Eyebrows – You really should have had them waxed this weekend. It’s too late. Let’s fill them in to cover up the stray hairs. Use coffee grounds from your first pot of coffee. Don’t be afraid to go full unibrow. For today you are Natasha. Confidence is key in this one. Also how are you at a Russian accent? Bonus: add a beauty mark with a sharpie to detract from the creepy eye toupees you put on your face. I am 100% sure I should have done a test run prior to telling you to do that. Sorry we ruined part of your face and your too late to fix it. We’ll make it up in the next one for sure.
  4. Cheeks – If you are feeling that you need cheek color, cut in line at school drop off, Starbucks or at the subway station until you find 2 people to slap your face. This is imperative: they need to slap opposite sides or you will be uneven. Bonus: a (self-imposed) pop on the mouth is a good lip plumper, too. This tip will help you bypass lines and get the sought after looks from the runway.

BONUS Tip

This final tip is actually to end your day. We both know that you’re too tired to run to the store for face wash after the day you had. Why not cleanse face with baby wipes (preferably unused)? If it’s good enough for your baby’s butt- its good enough for your face, right? And you’ll go to sleep with sweet dreams of diaper changing as the smell imprints on your subconscious.

That concludes my invaluable life changing guide of tricks for putting on your face in the morning.

Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments. Also let me know how well these worked for you. Unless they didn’t work, then you probably should use your time a little more wisely.

 

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