You Want Me To Have Sex Again?
You just pushed something out, and you’re thinking there is no way you’re allowing anything back in, including your horny husband. But we’re guessing there will come a time when your partner will be begging. Maybe you’ll want to as well. Or at a minimum, after you forget some of the gory details of delivery, you decide it’s time to try for another baby. So, um, yah, you’re going to return to sex.
Obviously sex is simply off the table in the first few weeks, and then you head to your OB/GYN appointment at six or eight weeks postpartum and he or she gives you the good news.
“Yes, it all looks good down there. You are cleared to have sex.”
If you’re like many women in this situation, especially after baby No. 1, you’ll stare at your doctor and think, “Like hell I’m ready to have sex.” You may even be like some moms and ask the doctor if he/she can rethink that assessment and determine you need at least two more weeks to heal. (Not like we ever did that!)
If you’re nursing, you’re probably dry as a bone down there. You may still feel tender, especially if an episiotomy was involved.
And oh yes, YOU’RE TIRED! You don’t feel like “getting it on.” You feel like sleeping. You lust for sleep. Sleep is hot. Sleep is way hotter than sex.
You may not be ready at the six-week mark, or the eight-week mark, or the four-month mark, but eventually you’ll feel ready. And you will enjoy sex again.Eventually you’ll feel ready. And you will enjoy sex again. #newmom #moms Click To Tweet
“The truth is no new mom should have sex until she is emotionally and physically ready to do so,” says Sarah Swofford, author of From Ouch! To Ahhh … The New Mom’s Guide to Sex After Baby.[i] “And when she is ready for sexual intimacy, slow may still not be slow enough. The most important timeline is your own.”
In the meantime, Swofford notes it’s important for your partner to know how you are feeling. Establishing good, strong communication helps build an emotional connection with your partner, and feeling close to your partner is the first step toward enjoying sex.
3 Tips for Reintroducing Sex after Baby
Tip #1: Don’t stay quiet. Honor yourself and your sexuality by listening to your needs and voicing them. If you are having sexual difficulties and don’t talk about them, this can create resentment, and that is kind of a relationship killer. Just saying.
Tip #2: Voice your needs/concerns/feelings about sex in ways that are about you. I feel … instead of If you would just … makes it easier for your partner to listen without feeling judged or rejected. This works both ways, so ask your partner to do the same.
Tip #3: Look for help. If your issues are not resolved in conversation, it is time to look to outside resources. Turn to books (like From Ouch! To Ahhh…), therapists, and medical providers. Chances are someone has experienced your situation, pain, or fear, so ask around.
Be kind and gentle with yourself during this transition into new motherhood, says Swofford, and remember that the exhaustion and accompanying low libido you feel now will not last forever.
You may also like our podcast interview with Sarah Swofford.
[i] Swofford, Sarah J. From Ouch! To Ahhh … The New Mom’s Guide to Sex After Baby. United States: Sarah J. Swofford Media, 2014.