I am no relationship expert, I am just a mom and wife who has done some digging on how to improve a marriage and make it even stronger. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, 5 of which we did not have children. We started dating in 2006 so we have been together a total of 9 1/2 years. Over those years so much has happened especially health-wise that has changed our relationship in many ways. We began trying for a baby in 2011 and had 2 unsuccessful years and finally came to the conclusion that maybe we would never have children. That was extremely hard for me as I had always wanted children. Then in 2012, I had a miscarriage but at the time didn’t know that I was miscarrying that was in July of 2012, then in July of 2013, I found out I was pregnant again this time with twins. I was on and off bed-rest throughout the pregnancy due to high blood pressure and then ending with pre-eclampsia.
So our marriage has changed so much since those beautiful twin baby girls came home with us. It’s harder to find time for just the two of us, harder to get out on dates, harder to even hold a normal conversation that doesn’t involve pee, poop, or other crazy or disgusting things that all toddlers do, okay, maybe yours don’t, but mine like to find anything they can and put it in their mouth including the gum I just spit in the trash. So, how do you keep a relationship alive with all of that plus all of the doctor’s visits for everybody, college schedules, church obligations, and utter exhaustion?
Below are 5 ways you can bring romance back into your relationship after children
- Be Spontaneous
Just recently my husband walked in the door from his college classes and said hurry up and get ready we are going out! I said, “But wait, I just fixed that chicken casserole you’ve been begging me to make.” He said, “Oh well! We are going out!” I said okay and headed to get ready. That was a great evening, it was relaxing and great to get out of the house while my sister in law watched the girls. I think that spontaneity keeps things interesting! Not every single moment has to be planned with something to do, just go with the flow and take time out when you can. Sure those planned dates are great too and they’re fun!
- Hold whispered conversations
There are many times that my husband comes in from work late in the evening after the girls are sleeping and he’ll want to tell me about his work day or something that happened. But since the twins are refusing to sleep through the night in their own room, we pulled their crib mattresses in on our floor so that we can, at least, have our bed at times. So we have to be quiet. It is so important to be able to share about your day and hold those “adult” conversations. So even if you have to take the time to share about your day in whispers do it!
- Watch a Movie
Since we don’t have cable we use Netflix which offers a variety of movies and TV shows that you can watch. Hubby has found several shows that I don’t mind watching with him since our tastes in Movies and TV shows are very much different than each other. But, finding something that we can connect on is always great. I recently realized that I enjoy watching Sherlock and even House! 🙂 I’m not much for movies or shows with a lot of swearing or violence in them, but there are a few that I don’t mind watching. It’s really sweet, He knows when to tell me to look away and when it’s okay to start watching again.
- Hold Hands
This is something that gets harder as the children get more mobile because often times you’re holding their hand, but there are other times when you’re not. Driving down the road, I love when my husband reaches over and grabs my hand, to me it’s sweet and romantic. And even if you do have a child or two in bed between you, you can always hold hands.
- Sharing Kisses & Don’t Go to Bed Mad
Never forget to kiss your spouse or partner no matter how upset you might be with them. There have been many a fight or argument when Hubby has simply grabbed me and started kissing me, it usually works to break the tension and we talk things through and get through things. I’m not saying this works for everyone, but keeping those lines of communication open are so very important. Sharing a kiss before he heads off to work and a simple “I love You!” There is a saying that I have on a little sign for our bedroom that says “Always Kiss Me Goodnight.” I’ve heard of couples putting aside their fight or argument so that they don’t go to bed mad. You really don’t rest well when you’re stewing over something.
These are just a few of the ways that I’ve found to keep our romance alive even after kids.