My 7-step Rule-Update Formula to Get Over Mommy Guilt

#1 Emotional Trap That Mothers Fall Into: Mommy Guilt

Are you the mom who feels guilty to go out and have a nice time for yourself? Do you feel that it is wrong to exercise for an hour when you have spent the whole day at work and kid has been in daycare that long?Do you feel guilty if you did not take care of the laundry today and focused on relaxing instead?

Do you feel guilty at work for not spending too much time with kids? Or do you sometimes feel guilty that you enjoy your work and do not feel guilty of leaving kids out at all? Typical Mom Behavior! We do feel guilty for not feeling guilty!

Do you feel that you are just not doing enough for everyone in spite of running around like a headless chicken all day taking care of everyone in the household? If all this sounds too familiar to you, you are suffering from the most common mommy overwhelm: MOMMY GUILT

Tony Robbins in his book Awaken The Giant Within explains guilt as an emotion that tells you that you have violated your highest standards. He also explains that the emotion of guilt triggers action.Mommy Guilt is different from normal guilt because for most times it is just something that fills you with self-doubt. The one that you know in the mind that it is not your fault, but you keep feeling guilty about it. The unreasonable guilt. And instead of driving to action, it drives us to inaction and overwhelms.

We keep beating ourselves with feelings of inadequacy. Have you ever felt that you are not doing enough for your family? Do you always think, oh maybe I am not a good mother?
Do you believe you do not deserve to spend time for yourself or just sit down for one moment and breathe? Do you feel you will be judged as a bad mother if you do?

This is the #1 trap mommies fall into. The inadequacy trap. The trap that tells you – you are just not good enough.
Let me tell you right here and right now. Mommies, you don’t have to feel this way anymore. You seriously don’t. You are good enough and more than that. We all are. Our minds often waiver a lot and tell us something else but truly and deeply we are all good mothers doing more than enough for our kids with great love and care.
We are in an era with no village. We are here to teach ourselves. We have a lot to learn in a short period with not much help. Naturally, we are all stressed out and not thinking straight. We do way too much now than any other mother ever has. Still, our mind tells us we are inadequate.

Say Bye To Mommy Guilt Forever – The Seven Step Rule Update formula

We need to tell our mind to shut up. We need to call it’s B.S before we fall into its trap.

Here is a great knowledge to have in mind. If you have noticed, our mind talks a lot. It tends to overcrowd us with emotions. But the beauty of mind is that it also can be fooled very easily. So it is important to for us not to be fooled by it. This mindset change will free us from all the guilt we have. I have learned a few tricks to silence the mind.

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I am going to teach you a simple formula that I have successfully used to shut my mental dialogue which tells you that you are not a good enough mother.

7 step rule update formula

Let’s use an example. Say you decided to go for a movie today with your friends and you came home to a tired husband, cranky child. You are now rushing to take care of everyone at that moment but in your head, you are blaming yourself. “I took the time to go with my friends. I am such a bad mother. Now I have angered my husband and saddened my child. I am such a bad wife. Husband was already tired from work. I made him more tired. I should have never gone to the movie in first place. I should never take time for myself. I am just not good enough. I don’t deserve to be happy.”

Right Here! Stop Right Here! And then follow these steps!

1. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in and exhale slowly for 6-8 counts.

2. Now acknowledge that your mind is feeling guilty at this moment.

3. Figure out which of your rules have you broken?
I work, and kids are in day car every day. I must spend all my remaining time at home with my children. If I don’t do this, everyone will hate me. This is the rule you have broken.

4. Now realize that you cannot beat yourself for breaking your unachievable rule forever. Remind yourself that very consciously that this feeling of guilt triggers us to take action.

5. The action is to change this rule to a new accommodating rule: I have to spend all my time at home with my children except for the times when I need time to recharge myself for my happiness.

6. Repeat this rule to yourself three times.

7. Now realize that when you have changed the rule, you feel better about yourself. You have acknowledged your need to recharge. You have acknowledged that you need to be happy for yourself and family. This means you are still a good enough mother. Your rules were inadequate. Now your subconscious mind has new complete information on your existing rule.

And now experience that just like that the guilt associated with this rule vanishes.
See how easy it is to update your mental rules one by one? Doesn’t this make you feel much lighter in your head?Why working on mommy guilt is important?
Imagine how living with minimum or no guilt will make you feel?
How free the mind will be? All the added stress, tensed muscles, the aches will go away.Since you are now not filled with guilt, your mind is free to think of better ways to deal with the issues of the family.
You have got the space you have always wanted and mental clarity to think better. You are in general in a better mood which means that will reflect on how you tend to your children and in return they will be happier.
And then sometimes you will find new ways to find yourself ridden with guilt and your mind will wander again to tell you how inadequate you are because you broke some other rule. But then you will have perfected the “Rule Update” formula and the time taken to kill the guilt will become significantly shorter and you will have become a lot happier.

If this formula has helped you in any way, I would love to hear your feedback. Please feel free to share in comments below.

Sneha Jhanb is an engineer and mom of two boys under 5. She helps busy moms overcome overwhelm and manage guilt through self-care and mindfulness through her blog at http://kaizenandtheartofmotherhood.com

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