Today we welcome Samina Farooq who is writing about those first 100 days of motherhood. Not only is there excellent advice here, but this piece is also written with a lot of love.
When you first become a mother, it’s so many emotions bubbling inside your body and soul that it gets difficult to hold them in sometimes. So you are either seen crying or smiling (while crying)…Seething (while crying), aching (while crying), laughing hysterically (you guessed it right – while crying)…in short you are marinating in your own tears constantly because hormones are wreaking havoc inside. The fuzzy and itchy feelings are trying to co-exist. So You keep breaking and putting yourself back together again. Tears keep burning your eyes as you keep pushing yourself forward and forward. You don’t stop because you can’t stop so you won’t stop.
You are strangely in love with a total stranger suddenly whose personality you don’t know yet. So you just thrive on other’s suggestions or frantically search on Google out of helplessness. You want to be perfect and Internet gives you all kinds of impractical advice to be so. Hence, you spend those first 100 days just guessing…
Guessing when will you finally heal, when will the baby actually sleep, when will you get to shower, when will you nap peacefully let alone sleep…Uninterrupted sleep for more than 2-3 hours is a blessing. For some, even beyond those 100 days.
For new parents, “Ways to put baby to sleep” is probably the most searched text on Google. And all that information is searched when you are tired, hormonal, and vulnerable. So you end up committing all the crimes that virtual laws forbid you to while feeling all kinds of guilt burdened on your delicate soul.
You’re constantly thinking of 99 things you should be doing right now other than what you’re actually doing. Talk about 99 problems with no practical solution. You don’t want to be so responsible some days. Sometimes you want to escape. Just run away. Cry away because fighting the urge to hold the tears back feels too exhausting. Even though you build a high tolerance for exhaustion, but your exhaustion is even tired.
But hey! You’re so much better at multitasking now. You can practically shut off the lights with your chin while providing humming as an entertainment for your baby as you clothe her in your arms. Who can function like that, right? Turns out, mothers find a way. The term *necessity is the “mother” of invention* is legit.
It’s hard to keep up with all the chores when you’re devoting so much of your time to your baby. World starts to ride on your shoulders. But you just need these three miraculous words in mind for the sake of your sanity: lower your standards. Focus on specific, attainable goals. You don’t necessarily have to soldier on all alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. And you DO need it. If you need a hand or two or three, announce it. You aren’t an octopus so take any help that’s offered. Shamelessly and regretlessly.
[bctt tweet=”Those first 100 days after a baby comes home…the sake of your sanity: lower your standards.”]
Yes, you are basking in the motherhood sunshine but the sunshine doesn’t last all day. Eventually sun sets but rest assured it rises up again the next day. Nothing lasts forever.
In the start you think it’s impossible for things to get harder than this – and then it does…but you quickly learn to adapt to this challenging lifestyle. At first, even changing a diaper would seem like a task. Now you do it while practically sleeping.
Sacrificing for your child becomes easy with time…
There will be days that are hard. Weeks that are hard. Months that are hard and then comes one magical day when your baby goes to sleep on their own rather than in your arms. And you want to wake them up by smothering them in kisses because your heart can’t handle all the cupcakes sprouting out of it. After those 100 days pass, you’ll suddenly look at things and wonder how did they just magically become easier. Or maybe it’s just that you got used to them…You are still tired – more than yesterday. But you are used to all this and you know how to keep on keeping on with a smile instead of tears. You still put your head in your hands and cry in the corner sometimes but you have accepted the hardship that comes along with this immense joy. There will still be days and nights where you want to pull your hair out (if you have any left that is), but even after this whole process, you want to become a mother again. Because this ecstasy is addictive. And the kids become your drug. You float in euphoria even when you’re a sleepless zombie. Or may be BECAUSE you are a sleepless zombie. Nonetheless you get to laugh a lot. Because tiny humans are as dumb as anything and hence funny. Their innocence and smile is infectious. It takes a jiffy to turn your frowns and tears into laughs and giggles.
After these 100 days pass and they will pass one day, you will get to see many more toothless grins and many more milestones. When toothless grins turn to toothy smiles, you will keep wanting to shrink them back into their small selves (and yeah that’s how you welcome a new baby in the house even when you swore off of it).
Samina Farooq is a Co-founder of Ayeina – an engineer by qualification, a language student by occupation, a photographer by eye, a writer by heart and an artist by soul. She can be reached on Instagram here.