Editor’s Note: We are pleased to welcome Darla and her voice to Lose The Cape today!
When my daughter came to me and asked if we could go bra shopping, I was happy to oblige. Knowing that she didn’t really need, but understanding that most of her girlfriends were already wearing one. She was super excited to buy her first Bra.
Things have changed for my baby girl. Puberty nowis renounced. These girls are embracing it, generally rushing it, and it’s not their fault, itis being shoved down their throats
The training Bra looks nothing like it did when I was a girl. Have you seen these things? I hadn’t, not until the moment my daughter, and I arrived at Walmart’s Teen Bra section. WTF, I couldn’t believe my eyes. My daughter wanted a bra, and all of them were sexy! Not just lacy and pretty, insanely sexy. Sequins and stiletto’s sexy.
Now let’s be completely honest here: No one wants their tween in a sexy anything! I was so frustrated that there was even a market for it, and it wasn’t as if there were only a few. There were more sexy bra’s than not.
As we looked through the racks, I noticed that there were some sports training bras, we picked those. But I discovered myself wondering just how to explain to her that I thought these other bras were inappropriate for a girl her age, when she could so clearly see them tagged ages 10-12. Luckily, my little one was happy with the sports bra, she preferred it. Although it didn’t take the conversation off the table. A conversation, I don’t believe needed to be there in the first place.
We are selling our daughters sex; as early as ten years old, even earlier for some. There is no good reason, a little girl wearing her first bra needs it to be lacy or sequined. The only way these things change is if we the consumer stop buying them.
Adolescent girls are feeling more pressure from the media to live up to various sexual ideals. Our pre-teen girlsare being confronted with more pressure than ever to be “sexy.” The media establishes a false sense of what girls and women should look like and act like. According to the Mental Health Foundation’s report, “A Generation Under Stress,” two in five girls felt worse about themselves after viewing images of models and celebrities in magazines. Girls feel that theyare being forced to act more adult and to engage in sexual behaviours before they are ready to do so. It scares me to death.
Mothers, we can help change this.Make it possible for your daughter to take risks and let her know that failure isn’t the end of the entire world. Encourage her to take risks that are mental or physical—preferably both. A girl who pushes past her comfort zone learns that her abilities aren’t as limited as she could have feared, and that can make her feel that she can accomplish whatever she sets out to do. Reassure her that failures are an inevitable part of trying anything new, but that failing—and then trying again—is what’s going to lead eventually to success.
Show your daughter you accept your own personal body as it is, along with all its flaws. Constantly obsessing regarding your own weight and appearance—or hers—sends a bad message, that she is only valuable if she is thin and pretty. Focus instead on living a fit and healthy lifestyle, and model healthy and balanced eating choices rather than nagging her to lay off the soda and chips. Dress in professional, comfortable or casual style instead of spending hours obsessing over make-up or shoehorning yourself into tight garments designed to make you appear “sexy.” As a mother, you are the very first and most significant influence on your own daughter’s behaviour as well as her body image.
I love my soon-to-be woman, and I want her to know that she does not have to rush it. She is a strong, smart, funny, and a loving girl. I will be sure to try my best, to follow my own advice.
Stop Selling Sex to my Daughter or anyone’s daughter for that matter!
Darla Halyk is the Mom of a Teenage boy and Tween Girl. She studied Business Management at Simon Fraser University. Soon after receiving her Degree, she married and quickly got pregnant with her first child. Deciding to stay home with her kids instead of returning to the workforce after the birth of her son, she become an SAHM, but not your average one. The gig lasted until the kids were school-aged, and her marriage ended in Divorce. Darla has enjoyed writing since she was old enough to hold a pen to paper. Currently, she writes for her blog at NewWorldMom. Bringing a fresh, honest and humorous take on parenting, women’s issues, relationships, divorce, and life, in general. You can connect with her on Twitter or Facebook.